Naked Confidence

Hello All, this blog is more aimed at women of today  and what i think? I will probably read it back and think it is slightly pointless and makes no sense, but lets just roll with it.

This weekend has been hectic with work, i have dealt with the arses that are the general public; so customers and also not forgetting this big arses of all... Managers. These two types of people over the space of 24 hours have knocked my confidence to a state i didn't even realise. To boost my confidence and make myself feel a little better i decided to dye my hair back to my natural colour - dark brown. I did this, looked in the mirror and thought 'wow, i look normal' (I haven't been 'normal' in appearance, attitude, confidence for a veryy long time... NO, scrap that... i don't think i have ever been 'normal'), i pulled up my hair, made a thousand faces at the shiny thing on the wall (mirror) and made my make up. I still didn't feel comfortable or confident, so i thought i'd jump in the bath and try and forget the whole weekend. As i was getting undressed i looked in the mirror once more and i suddenly had a surge of confidence relate back into my body. It was amazing, and thinking about it i feel everyone should feel confident in their own skin and shouldn't try and mask in with clothes to give off a 'fake' confidence.

Even if you are a plus size, black, white, purple, hairy, ANYTHING everyone should feel confident in their own skin... the only way this can be truly achieved  is to come to a state where you are happy in yourself... your state of life (relationship status, job, housing even if **comparing it to someone else you still end up happy), and secondly to begin believing no matter what happens, you are an individual... no one else is the same, no one has the same skin markings as you and that individuality is the thing that makes you beautiful and think beautiful things and believe in the beauty of others. By believing in these you then begin to exert confidence...

And this is the state i have reached, and it's amazing. I have changed a lot in my life, and at the time (even though i never regret) i was unsure if it was right or wrong i can look back and realise the shitters that have happened have clearly worked out for the best and this is one thing i need to always remember at the time, that even though it doesn't seem all happy and dandy it will always mould you into being a better happier person. However, you have to be able to 'see the light at the end of the tunnel' (CHEESY) and not focus on all the negative thoughts and energy otherwise others close to you will absorb this and only show negative energy when you are around even if it's not fully direct.

Thanks, as always.. feel free to comment :D


** don't ever compare yourself to anyone, they are a different person to you they don't think the same as you, believe the same as you and therefore just because a tangible object is something you compare to you own tangible  objects doesn't mean it will work out for you like it did for them.

Art, the big debate.

I know i haven't written in a while, and for those of you who perhaps have read my blog and though 'huh' or just enjoyed it slightly, then i am hoping you will enjoy this one (if you do enjoy this one then you should know there will be more blogs like this coming soon!).

Today, asides from feeling the full force of tequila slammers from the night before, waking up in a strange yet familiar bed and going and enduring the boring routine that is college i have been thinking a lot about art. Not even a specfic artist, concept, painting it has just art in general and I all of a sudden had this thought and felt the whole 125 (don't laugh) followers on twitter needed to know my opinion on art... And here it is: 

'It is easy to understand why people argue so much about 'good' art in modern day life, the most famous artists where way ahead of their time, people thought it was rubbish but yet, when looking back it is easy to see they where just experimenting. Now, you look at modern Art and it is so controversial as today artists are finding it hard to experiment with materials, concepts, themes because it has been Done before. Therefore controversy is sparked when people walk around such galleries as the Tate Modern and see art work that visually seems 'thoughtless, lazy and pointless' yet has such an amazing concept and the thought process is so ahead of our time. These tweets may seems 'thoughtless, lazy and pointless' yet has such an amazing concept and the thought process is so ahead of our time Scheile even Bacon where at their times. Just open your mind to all types of art (music, motion, visual etc) and you maybe surprised to how moved or inspired you feel by what could perhaps be deemed as something 'simple' and 'pointless'.'

Who's got the honest right to turn around and say that one of these pieces of art isn't actually a piece of art? 

**FOUND ON GOOGLE**

This is a famous expressionism piece created by George Grosz. Who was influenced by such things as Dadaism, surrealism and expressionism.  

 

**IMAGE FOUND ON GOOGLE**

This image i found on google by simply typing 'Graffiti wall'. The artist/artists seem to be influenced by the difference between reality and fiction and current affairs (similar tattoo of the statue of liberty on Lloyd Banks' bank, the watch tower seemingly showing the 'big brother effect' 'always watching'). This piece of art is very similar to what is rolling up on dead walls in my home town at the moment. 

these two art pieces are very different from each other but my point of this whole blog is that who on earth can honestly turn round and say that's not art?! Yes, they can dislike one over the other, they can be in-between but just because one piece of art is older than the other or newer than the other dose not mean the artists didn't share the same passion for their work and getting their own thoughts across? It doesn't mean the artist thought through their concept or just created what came from within their emotions. However, i can see that both artists are showing oppression, through colouring, dramatic effect of the actual image among many other factors. even though these images are 50 years apart from each other i feel they are saying the same message and in my eyes they both are deemed as art.

art can only be judged to one who is viewing it for the first time, even then the judgement can be argued and contested. 

'art is in the eye of the beholder' 

Everything can be deemed as art and out of everything something is inspiring to someone. 

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!

- Metal Paisley Patterns. 

**ALL IMAGES FOUND ON GOOGLE, I DO NOT TAKE ANY CREDIT FOR THEM UNLESS I SAY SO**

-last note. I don't think this blog came out visually how i wanted it, and that will bug me so i am sorry!

It's been a while.

Sorry it's been a little while since i last spoke. Everything has been a little crazy recently, and alot has changed.


-I am now currently blonde (I am naturally a dark brown)
-I've been in hospital suffering from blood posing from a rubbish ear piercing 
-I am now single
-I have only 3 months left of college
-I am heading off for a while soon (no need for specifications it's just going to happen.


I pretty much just wanted to write this blog to maybe begin getting back into it again and start doing it propally. 
So hello Bloggers, Not that many of you read it it's just for my own outlet really. BUT any ways, i shall be back sometime soon :D 

Sink or Swim. Both Motions need a Deep Breath To Survive.

Ever get that feeling where you just need to stop and breath? That's me right now. 


-I have a feeling this could seem to be a slightly depressing post, i can assure you i am fine. 


I'm at that stage where the feeling of getting away from everyone and everything is getting stronger. Al though everything on the surface seems fine, happy and dandy i am almost over thinking everything to an extent it worries, and plays on my mind from things to do with my family, friends and boyfriend to things we should do without a thought such as putting two sugars in my coffee in the morning.
 I was told today that a important person in my life is feeling guilty from holding me back from meeting new people, doing new things and just having new experiences in life. Now, for myself i am finding this a hard thought to grasp hold of and it is almost making myself feel guilty that they are feeling this (probably isn't helping that 10 minutes ago i was hyper as anything and 5 minutes before that i felt like crawling under a table in the foetal position and crying over the fact i can't seem to find some good music anymore - trivial). I have always said to this person that they don't hold any responsibility over me and if i spend an evening just being lazy and watching shit television then that's my problem, they should not feel guilty over that. I just can't help feeling i have been in the position before and it has never ended the way i wanted. It's almost strange to say that for the past few days i have had that strange Women's intuition shit going on where i have butterflies in my tummy and i am just waiting for something big (good or bad although 9 times out of 10 it has been bad) to happen. Although i am confusing myself whether just one random day i felt a bit strange (maybe due to the tequila the night before) and now i am attempting to convince myself something will happen to attempt to prepare myself for... well.... maybe nothing. 


I can't help but realise that when i think about this important person (my boyfriend) i have felt like maybe i am missing out on experiences that most people my age go through, although when we talk about if we were to break up or i think about it i am completely heart broken and feel already devastated over something that hasn't even happened. I just don't understand when i am with him i don't get any of these feelings i love spending time with him we have such a laugh but as soon as i am by myself doing mundane things i get these thoughts. again i am worried that it is my subconscious being loud and if it is what i really want. Although i am then reminded how hardly anyone knows what there subconscious is on about and they can't even hear it hence the saying 'subconsciously maybe you wanted to _______ bla bla bla).


This is what i meant about needing to get away because i feel like i am a few more cups of coffee's gone wrong before i just break down and almost hit some sort of depression. I am over thinking everything, i just do not know how to switch off my brain at the moment. I again have no idea whether living at home is doing this to me that is why i don't get any of these strange feelings when i am with my boyfriend or what?!


I wish for a second i could just escape. I love the beach, always have done it is the only place i feel like i am truly breath as it is just an empty space where can you see nothing but water and sky for miles. I need to go to a beach. I need to breath again, even writing this blog i am reaching for my 4th cigarette in around 10 minutes. 


I honestly don't know what to do, the only thing i can think of is grabbing a coffee with my boyfriend and talking all this over again but i can honestly only see it going one way. I am not ready for that.... 


Damn being a women. 






*this isn't my own picture, i was just sent it. I just feel right now i should be on some hard core prescribed drugs to sort myself out and these are the types of ones i wish my doctor handed out like sweets. That would be amazing.* 

People change. Things happen. It's will always be for the best.

You can never make a life plan. People change, things change, you change.


What really gets me is when people say that they want to do X, Y and Z with no in-between ground and then stop at the first sign of going into a different direction. Like i said you can't plan life. You can say, when i 'grow up' i want to be a vet etc etc, but if you direct you whole work flow into doing that then you are almost setting your self up for dissopointment. I am not saying don't strive to be the best, don't give up instantly but take me for example, i always wanted to be a tattoo artist but as it happens i am best minded for the business world. Doesn't mean i am going to get all upset over it, it just means that to be a tattoo artist is a dream and what is a human being with a dream... a robot (cheesy).


What this short blog and what i am getting at is no matter what direction your life wants to go in always attempt to make the  best situation you can out of it. Other wise you may just end up being someone who only holds onto one thing yet being in a job that they dislike, in a home they dislike and having friends they pretty much dislike because they aren't able to find a positive or a new enjoyment direction in it. 


yes i know there are thousands of people who are in this situation and i know there are many who know there isn't a positive out of it but it doesn't mean you have to stick at it... (this is probably not making any sense at all) but just go for something you haven't tried, you may enjoy. 


I Loath being a waitress, BUT there are so many positives out of it for example, i am put into a situation where i have to deal with many different types of people... Those who have no respect  for anyone and those who will be so unbelievably grateful for standing for 5 minutes and asking them how they day has been and if they are feeling a little relaxed now. I think that this is setting me up in life to be able to deal with wankers on the street and arse holes as bosses i am thrown to dealing with the public which everyone in there life will have to do. Luckily i am able to get one with 90% of the population i come into contact with yet i still find a way to appricate what i do whether i hate it or not. 


I have no regrets in life.


Life is too short, enjoy it to the most you can while you can.

Decided.

Right, So it's my third blog has been decided through drinking a Morgan Spice and coke at almost mid night after a 10 hour day of waitressing. I NEED TO GET AWAY. I NEED A HOLIDAY. Winge, moan, cry.

Well, yes. this Routine thing has been getting to me, i am young but i need something to chuck me off. I need to get away from everyone and everything at the second and just 'breath'.

i very short blog for today, but it is beacuse i am shattered after being on my feet non-stop for 10 hours and the fact i have to be back at work for 9am tomorrow. hate hate hate hate.

* i just found this image on google, it is not mine. (Although i wish it was as then it means i would have been to that beautiful, although slightly stereo-typical holiday resort).

A leather sketch pad.

I bought a little A6 leather bound note pad today in which i can do little drawings and sketch with. I've been looking at it over and over, and i don't know why but something so simple as a mini sketch book all of a sudden puts a lot of different things in to perspective for me. 


I didn't go to college today, I've been at home all on my own and even though it's lovely to get away from everyone and have some sort of piece and quite it is difficult to not reflect on your life and get yourself down by it. 
I'm beginning to get bored, not of the guy i am with because he's so spontaneous that i begin doing things i wouldn't normally do like go to a little American style cafe by my self to grab some breakfast but of just how routine and comfortable my life is. 


This blog is probably not going to make much sense as i can already tell my paragraphs are all over the place but like i said i am just going to type about what i am thinking about. 


i am thinking i need a change, something needs to give. I want to move out, but i am still at college earning £130 MAX at the end of the week every week, by living at home means i can have a free lift to work as i don't drive, i am still at college which means it is my 14th year of education and i am BORED of it, i want to do something different. Almost let everything go and just jump onto a train and go to the next new town i haven't heard of meet new people, see new art, hear new music. 


SO i have decided that i am either going to do something crazy with my hair (yes very girly thing to say), get a new piercing (although i have had almost every ear piercing, my neck and my nose done) or get a new tattoo (although i already have two that aren't finished). I really think by doing one or all of these things means i have done something different something in my reach as a business studies student and a waitress. 
I also am going to start saving to go to Bournemouth. My best friend from year 7 is at Uni there and i miss her, she put everything into light for me, even if it's just blurting out all my issues and then she turns round and  says have a Jager bomb, it's not that important. i feel by travelling a 3 hour train journey and wondering around to find out where  have to go will kinda chuck me in the deep end to starting to mix things up a little bit. 
Also doing it without my fella means that it is completely on my own, no boyfriend, no famalam just me. I am already slightly nervous/ excited to do it just the thought of it but if i am honest i don't know where to start..... 

Would be great to hear anyone's views on this